Blogging has had to take a back seat this week as we dealt with mother nature and her after effects! Here in our little part of Australia we have been experiencing the effects of an ex tropical cyclone which has meant torrential rain and strong winds for days….
This is what we woke up to one morning…not what you expect to see in your vegetable garden and let me tell you…my capsicums were not happy! The trampoline came from the top paddock and must have been airborne over the back fence….thank goodness we put the fence in to keep the wallaby out or i fear it would have come straight through the kitchen window or Miss Teen's bedroom…scary stuff!
I think Tara summed it up best when she looked out the window, saw her beloved trampoline and said quietly ‘BUMMER'. Hmmm….not sure where she picked that word up from ‘ahem' cough…cough..Ooops.
This is what was left of our greenhouse, seedlings and seed packets….*sigh* not sure if it will be salvageable yet.
But we are so very lucky, we are high away from the flood zone so apart from some water runoff flooding in our garage downstairs and the wind damage we came through this latest challenge from Mother nature unscathed. Others are not so lucky and sleep tonight in evacuation centres perhaps knowing their home and possessions are lost to water and mud. I saw one Mum being interviewed at a centre as she clutched her young twins to her and the older children stood quietly behind her…i wondered how she would manage those children in that evacuation centre that night let alone many days to come. I cannot imagine the trauma.My heart goes out to each and every person who has lost a part of their life in these floods and dangerous weather.
I have also been indulging in a little soul searching as i received a call this week to advise i would be having my interview and safety check for Family Day Care. I have applied to become an educator and carer for children in my home. This was a huge decision for me as i made a very difficult decision over 6 years ago to leave the childcare field, retrain at Uni and take on a new challenge and career in human services. This was a difficult path as i was a single parent working full time in childcare to support Miss Teen and myself…the only way i could go back to Uni was to study externally and spend every night at the books after she was asleep…this usually meant going to bed in the early hours of the morning only to have to get up after a few hours sleep and work a full day again.
But i did it and i worked my way up through my new chosen field until i was taking on management roles and leading large government funded projects. I felt i was finally free to be me…Miss Teen was by then a little older and no longer needed me as much as when she was younger, i had met a wonderful man who has been my partner for over 10 years (and who restored my faith in men!) and i was enjoying challenging myself and doing tasks i never thought i would be brave enough or good enough to try. I had my self esteem and confidence back and i felt i mattered for the first time in a long time.
Then i fell pregnant with the twins (that sounds as if it just happened but it was actually a very long process and we had nearly lost hope) and life changed forever. This was a good change but i would be lying if i didn't admit it has sometimes been a rough journey, a journey that has led me to the brink of darkness and often still holds me there. But also one that has given my life new meaning and wonderful abundant love….and a new chance to experience being part of a family unit, to have some support this time round as a parent.
It has made me question what is important, what i want from life and what i want to do better. I have been so very lucky to have had 2.5yrs to experience being a SAHM to my girls….i never had that option with Miss Teen. But we are at the stage now where i really need to be bringing some money in again. I would love to find some part time work in the field i left before the girls arrived but this is such a hard thing to find in a regional centre. And my heart wants to spend more time with my beautiful girls…if only i could find that perfect part time job.
But it is unlikely to happen so i decided I'd go back to my first love…childcare. If i run my own daycare from home i can have the best of both worlds. I have done it before when Miss Teen was young…and it is a tough job…but i did love it. And it will allow me to be able to stay home and nurture my own children as well as others. I'm excited about that.
But part of me is grieving for that career i worked so hard to get….for my time that was so fleeting…for the further study i won't get to do…..for feeling as if i have ‘stepped down' on some imaginary ladder or failed myself somehow. For the realisation that i will lose skills and find it hard to get back to where i was.
And then i look at my 3 girls…Miss Teen in her final year of High School and the toddler twosome beginning to find their own personalities and shine in their individual ways….and i remember i am a Mum….and for now that is the most important role.
There is time for me to pick up my dreams again later….right now i am going to do what i need to to be the Mum i want to be. This time of childhood is a gift and i want to make the most of it.
There is still a little part of me that is sad about that though…sometimes i wish motherhood wasn't such a tough gig!
A new door is opening, a new journey has begun….i wonder what i will write about when reflecting on this moment in 10 years time?
Thanks for allowing me to share this journey with you all….and a special thanks to Katrina…you really did brighten my day with your words and even more special card on what was actually a very tough day.