On the surface this seems like a harmless question….but if you have asked a similar question of a new mother then I want you to know it's not harmless, it's not well meaning, it's not acceptable.
The reason I mention this now is that last week a friend of mine had a most unpleasant experience when out shopping with her 3 week old bubba. It was the first time she had been out since having him and she was congratulating herself on actually getting out the front door and not dissolving into tears due to the stress of this simple task .
Her little one had been having a lot of trouble breastfeeding and although she was still pumping milk at home she had also made the difficult decision to bottle feed as well. I know it was a difficult decision as I was the one who wiped away her tears and hugged her as she described feeling like a failure as a mother.
On this day she was feeling so excited to have achieved an outing….it wasn't exciting and she didn't really have a plan…she just wanted to feel like a ‘real' Mum out with her baby…a Mum that had managed to brush her hair, slip on some lipstick, get baby and all that accompanies such a little person in and out of the car and into the big wide world. She was proud, she felt good for the first time in weeks, she felt like a Mum that was tired but conquering the scary road of new motherhood….and then she heard those words that I had heard so many times before….
“Why aren't you breastfeeding?”
She had stopped on a bench tucked away in a corner of the large shopping centre and began to feed her hungry baby…with a bottle. The woman holding onto a bright eyed toddler had sat down beside her and casually asked this most private of questions…to a complete stranger!
Why am i talking about this now? Because when I heard my friend describe this incident and how it had made her feel as a mother I was mad. Really mad…then really sad. I'd love to say this was obviously an isolated incident but it's not.
When I first began venturing out of the house with the twins I was still a bit of a mess. It was hard to get up the will to get everyone changed, dressed, fed and out of the house and into the car before it all had to start again. I was depressed, I was constantly in a state of guilt as again I hadn't been able to breastfeed and both girls had severe reflux…surely that was my fault due to this lack of skill as a mother too.
I'm not going to go into great detail about why I couldn't breastfeed….from personal experience I know that there will always be some who question whether I tried hard enough or whether I gave up to soon. Friends and family and my lactation consultant know how hard I tried and how i spent every moment on a double breast pump in between caring for twins because i was so determined that i would be able to feed and nourish my babies.
I had researched the best twin pillow….had poured through information in multiples forums and books, watched countless DVDs, hired experienced lactation consultants….said no to the hospital when they wanted to top up with formula in the special care unit as I had read that ‘was important to assert to staff' in one of the many pieces of expert literature i had memorised! So instead I let my babies scream in hunger and I became a bad mother all over again. I had failed with Miss Teen and I was a failure again.
In this state of mind and obviously a little tired i ventured out and when the girls just wouldn't settle even though it was earlier than their normal feed time I pulled out their bottles and began to feed them in their double pram.
I suddenly felt such joy and so proud that I was in this moment with my beautiful girls when a woman sat down wearing a baby and proceeded to breastfeed. I smiled at her, enjoying the moment we were sharing as new mothers…and then she said “I have friends with twins that breastfeed…they won't touch the chemicals in formula you know” I was mortified and immediately began to justify myself to this stranger I had never met….”I have tried and tried, i am actually doing half formula and breast at the moment by pumping every chance i get, I'd love to be able to….blah, blah blah.
The need to justify myself was strong and all she said was “You just need to keep trying, it's a natural thing but so many people give up and turn to ‘artificial feeding' methods when they realise it's a bit more difficult than they expected”.
Yes that is pretty much a direct quote as it is burned forever into my guilty mummy psyche! I went home in tears and didn't go back out for a few weeks and even then it was only very short visits so I didn't need to feed the girls. If it was just the one comment I could have brushed it off probably…but it wasn't. Over the next year I heard the following helpful gems….
“I hope there's breastmilk in those bottles the poor things!”
“I have a friend with triplets and she has managed really well to breastfeed them all….i can get her to call you if you want”
“You would spend a lot less money if you just breastfed”
“You should give it another try, your twins deserve that”
“Do you have any idea what is in formula these days?”
I could go on but it is just making me sadder as I remember those days. I just really wonder when it became so socially acceptable to question another mother's choices and parenting decisions. When did it become ok to judge and belittle a new parent in public? When did it become acceptable to presume you know the circumstances surrounding a mother's decisions?
It started when I became pregnant….everyone asked if I would be breastfeeding and if having a C-Section….total strangers everywhere I went. I just presumed it was because I was having twins and it was a little out of the ordinary so people felt justified with their curiosity….a little like the “Are they natural or IVF?” question.
But is it I wonder….my friend only has one baby and said she was asked if she would be breastfeeding quite a few times when pregnant too. Seems the logical next nosey step for many judgemental individuals is to question why you are using a bottle once you have had the baby!
I know there are more people out there that are supportive of other fellow parents rather than unsupportive but I really do fear that it is becoming more and more acceptable to judge those mothers that aren't breastfeeding (and it isn't ok to ask why they can't by the way) in our push to promote the ‘Breast is Best' message.
This is in no way a post about not supporting breastfeeding….I am still so envious of those that do and I still feel a little guilt everyday that I failed in this area as a Mum. I know breast is best…and I'm pretty sure the majority of parents do. But can we please stop judging those that can't or won't for reasons you are unaware of or need to know?
Can we just get to a place of supporting each other no matter how we are feeding and nourishing our babies?
Can we try and spread the word that incidents and offhand comments such as those experienced by my friend and I can be so very damaging to a Mothers' mental and emotional state?
Can we just look into the eyes of the babies we see when out in public and notice the pure love shining there for their mother…no matter how they are being fed.
Can we never use the term ‘artificial feeder' around a bottle feeding mother. We already understand that, we don't need an awful label.
Can we just try? What do you think?
Warm Wishes…
Love this post!! Can’t we, as moms, choose to support one another. It’s my observation that most of us moms are simply trying to do the best we can. Instead of judging one another, we should love and support each other in this very important role we share!!
As a mom who was unable to breastfeed (long story) I understand the feeling of judgement you described. I felt extremely guilty (esp after our 1st child), depressed and “like I was a bad mom”. There was so much pressure to “just do it”. With our 2nd child it was better, but still there. If we have any more children I refuse to feel that way again! I have 2 very healthy, intelligent children who started out on formula (Gasp!).
Yes, breast is best. However, there are times when it just doesn’t work out. That’s really no one else’s business, esp a stranger’s!
THANKS for sharing!
I agree, the question is inappropriate unless you are very close to the person, and you word it differently. I had trouble breastfeeding. Tried three times, and all three times my milk just disappeared. I was so determined with my youngest that at his 6 month check up we noticed he had fallen off the growth chart for weight and I was complaining he was nursing constantly and always crying. Yeah, I had no milk. Breast is best when you can do it, but if you can’t you are still giving your kid what they really need to thrive, and there shouldn’t be a problem with that! Sorry, I’m getting down now. 🙂
Such a well written post. Your poor friend 🙁 Breastfeeding wasn’t easy for me in the early weeks with both my girls, and while I did in the end breastfeed both until 13 months, I have absolutely NO problem with however any mother chooses to feed their baby… how they do so is not what is important, it’s the love they pour out for their baby… xx
I’m a gung ho, long term breastfeeding mom, and it makes me really angry that hospitals so often sabotage the efforts of moms to breastfeed by pushing formula at the beginning. However, I know many wonderful moms who either chose not to breastfeed from the beginning, or tried and stopped for various reasons, and they are no less loving or successful than moms like me who choose to nurse babies into toddlerhood, or those who do the “standard” year. It is also not acceptable to come up with lists of reasons other people need to stop breastfeeding because you think two is too old or whatever. I’ve had a relative actually leave the room while I nursed my 6month old because she thought it was “disgusting,” though I would never have dreamed of saying that about her feeding her kids formula. Being a mom is a difficult enough job as it is, we should all support each other, and see that we’re all overworked, tired, and in totally in love with our kids.
This so hit home! As a mom to four, I could not breastfeed my first 3 and *gasp* did not try with the 4th (probably wouldn’t have worked then either) I feel your friends pain. Ididnt mind people asking, but rude and inappropriate comments need to be kept inside. I think we all feel guilty when as moms we fail at these things and we don’t need to call each other out. We should help each other succeed, In the grand scheme of things happy healthy kids and mommies is the ultimate goal. BTW, way to be a good friend!
When I had my daughter I tried to breast feed but she didn’t want anything to do with it. I pumped milk for 7 months and every day I got a little less milk out. I had to supplement with formula or she would have starved! I worked full time too! The presser to breast feed was coming from everyone, family and friends were the worst! When I have another child I am not going to let it get to me, I will do what I see fit for my child and my self. I believe that the presser put on a new mother is part of the problem, stress can lead to lack of milk and the baby can sense the tension/stress in the mother so no wonder they don’t want that milk!
Thank you so much for your post.
I agree that you shouldn’t judge the way that a mother is feeding her child. The mother is going to do whats best no matter what.
I actually had the opposite problem. I was 20 when I had my baby and a lot of my friends were weirded out or grossed out by me breastfeeding with them. Even my mother made me feel embarrassed sometimes unintentionally. I would want to breastfeed sitting in the corner of the food court in the mall, and she would say that I should probably go sit in a dressing room at a department store or something.
I was so embarrassed about breastfeeding for so long, that for a while it did not go as smoothly as I would have liked. I did eventually push through other people’s comments and breast fed my baby for 14 months- until he was ready to stop, not everyone else.
What a great heartfelt article. Breast is best but a loved, well nourished and healthy baby is better. For my older two I ended up feeding and then topping off with a bottle for 9 and 6 mths respectively.Third time round for some unknown reason it worked like a charm BF exclusively (never had a bottle ever) until she was nearly 2 when she weaned herself. So even though she was fully BF I then got the “shouldnt she be weaned by now?” Everybody things they have a right to an opinion and they do. They also have the right to keep it to themselves!! Wish some people exercised this right more
Great post. You should have heard the guilt trip I have got from ‘family friends’ and even my ob (for Tom Kitten )about the fact we chose a C-section with Ginger. This despite it being Ginger’s Obs recommendation that it was the safest way to proceed because she had the cord round her neck. I just wish I had the courage of conviction to demand another c-section with Tom Kitten when the same issue presented itself – instead I ended up with him going into distress and a forceps delivery. So yes, I too wonder what gives people the right to think they can make comments about your choices…and about pregnancy. My MIL kept making really snide comments about my weight when I was pregnant with Tom KItten – like “do you think this bridge will hold your weight”. At this point I was 5 months pregnant and had gained a whopping 4 kilos. Still made me feel really upseat every time though. If she ever does it again I am resolved to tell her this time it upsets me and I will not allow her to speak to me like that.
If another mom gives me crap about breastfeeding, I’m going to ask her how many books she’s read to her baby so far today. Then I’ll give her crap because she could always try harder.
Oh, how I have felt your pain! I had cervical cancer as a teenager, which only gives you about a 20% chance of being able to breast feed (I didn’t find that out until I was pregnant with my 3rd child). At any rate, I didn’t have a drop of milk in me for my first two children and a very limited supply for my 3rd. I tried so hard with the first two. I cried, got very depressed, felt immense guilt, and after weeks of painful pumping finally gave up. It was so hard when people would make comments or send glares my way over a bottle. After 13 years of parenting, I’ve found no one will be happy with the choices you make all of the time even the ones you really don’t have a say in.
Prior to having my daughter it never crossed my mind that I would not breast feed however, as it turned out she was on the bottle after a few weeks. Once we started to bottle feed her she was a much happier baby which resulted in a happier Mum and Dad. We just wanted to do the best for our daughter and I think sometimes people need to understand and remember that as parents whether we chose to bottle feed or not we are just trying out best.
I always assumed I would breastfeed. I was raised in an all-natural home with only homeopathic medicines and a mother who breastfed all 5 of her children into toddlerhood. My younger sister recently had twins, and I saw how difficult it can truly be. I stood by her and helped coach, but the stress of having twins, coupled with the fact that they are not latching, can just be too much. She pumped for months, and then found out they were lactose-intolerant. Both girls had to be put on soy formula. Is this what she wanted? No…but it’s what was best for her babies. They are both amazing girls who are developmentally well past their age group. Breast is best, but it doesn’t work for everyone, and it’s no one’s right to judge!
The insensitive comments of thoughtless strangers can bite deep, can’t they. My daughters are now 4.5 and I STILL got all teary when I read this post. I was the same as you – working so damn hard to be the perfect wonderful mum, which in my mind included breastfeeding. I drove my whole family close to the brink in my pursuit of breastfeeding. When I gave the pump back (the girls were 5.5 months) it was with wracking guilt. Coincidentally, my post-natal depression receded only a couple of weeks later. Yes I felt guilt and grief (still do) but life was so much better when I was no longer wasting time and effort on a losing battle.
I was emotional when reading your great post too.
I too felt vilified by complete strangers, one woman said “he’s too young for a bottle”, another said “formula is poisoning your child”, and “oh you’re feeding him artificially” (the list can go on….)
I had great troubles getting my baby to attach and tried nipple shields, lactation consults etc. I expressed small amounts and supplemented with formula. Then my Mum passed away when my baby was only 4 weeks old, with all the stress of grief and feeling like a zombie from 3 hourly feeds; my milk dried up. I still tried desperately to express, sometimes only getting 10 ml at a time. I bawled my eyes out when I was watching a documentary and saw a lion breast feeding her cubs “even a lion can do it, why can’t I?”.
I told a maternal nurse I was managing 10 ml twice a day and she said there was no point it was a waste of time – I was crushed, I was trying so hard, fortunately another nurse was more empathetic and suggested I view the 10 ml as a little bit of goodness or medicine for my baby. My daughter was born when my son was 16 months old, even though I had a toddler and a newborm I still pumped every 3 hours and was able to supply all my daughter’s feeds with my milk. I stopped after 8 months and moved her on to formula.
That people are so quick to judge when they have no idea or empathy of the situation hurts a lot when you’re trying to do your very best.
I STILL feel like I have to justify my reasons for not breastfeeding – largely due to anatomical issues, grief and post natal depression with both kids.
People have no right to even ask such a personal question – but they still do, just like complete strangers think it’s ok to rub a pregnant woman’s belly.
Thank you for your post. I too agree that everyone should just see a mother providing for her child the best way she can and appreciate the miracle of a baby and the bond between mother and baby.
I was emotional when reading your great post too.
I too felt vilified by complete strangers, one woman said “he’s too young for a bottle”, another said “formula is poisoning your child”, and “oh you’re feeding him artificially” (the list can go on….)
I had great troubles getting my baby to attach and tried nipple shields, lactation consults etc. I expressed small amounts and supplemented with formula. Then my Mum passed away when my baby was only 4 weeks old, with all the stress of grief and feeling like a zombie from 3 hourly feeds; my milk dried up. I still tried desperately to express, sometimes only getting 10 ml at a time. I bawled my eyes out when I was watching a documentary and saw a lion breast feeding her cubs “even a lion can do it, why can’t I?”.
I told a maternal nurse I was managing 10 ml twice a day and she said there was no point it was a waste of time – I was crushed, I was trying so hard, fortunately another nurse was more empathetic and suggested I view the 10 ml as a little bit of goodness or medicine for my baby. My daughter was born when my son was 16 months old, even though I had a toddler and a newborm I still pumped every 3 hours and was able to supply all my daughter’s feeds with my milk. I stopped after 8 months and moved her on to formula.
That people are so quick to judge when they have no idea or empathy of the situation hurts a lot when you’re trying to do your very best.
I STILL feel like I have to justify my reasons for not breastfeeding – largely due to anatomical issues, grief and post natal depression with both kids.
People have no right to even ask such a personal question – but they still do, just like complete strangers think it’s ok to rub a pregnant woman’s belly.
Thank you for your post. I too agree that everyone should just see a mother providing for her child the best way she can and appreciate the miracle of a baby and the bond between mother and baby.
Thank you,
Lara
I think (and hope) that as breastfeeding continues to become the norm that it will get easier for parents that have to formula feed as well. Right now there seems to be such a divide among the two groups that each feel they have to justify their actions. In the ideal world No one would ask why you are formula feeding, if you had tried hard enough, because everyone would have the support needed to breastfeed if possible. No one goes around asking people in wheel chairs if they tried standing up. No one tells them that if they just kept trying a little bit longer perhaps they would be walking now. No one lectures them about how it is an artificial mode of transportation (although it obviously is) It is assumed that they need to be in the wheel chair for whatever reason.
That is really too bad. You know, I didn’t breastfeed. Barely even tried. I will admit I wasn’t excited about it. And honestly, that should be enough for somebody else. It’s none of their business and whether I couldn’t or didn’t want to shouldn’t matter to them. My SIL is really the only person that was a little snooty about it but she didn’t have twins so I think less people judged me because they couldn’t walk in my shoes. And I had one friend that felt like me too and I just really felt like I didn’t care. I felt like formula and store-bought baby food was just fine. Now, I do realize breastmilk and making your own baby food and all that is better, but I was so overwhelmed I couldn’t do more even if I wanted to. I couldn’t even fathom it. So I didn’t worry too much about it and felt like I was doing the best that I could, but at the same time no one ever said anything about it. No telling what people thought though, especially when they saw me use bottle proppers! But yeah, moms need to quit judging other moms about so many things and just all recognize that we are all doing the best we can. Sorry that you and your friend had to deal with that. That mommy guilt (we all have it!) is no fun.
It is so frustrating that people think that parenting is their business at all. Whether it be about breast feeding or other areas of parenting, it’s none of their business how or what you do.
I was a 2-time breast cancer survivor and ecstatic to to be able to even have my sweet daughter (all the chemo was supposed to have killed my chances); needless to say, breastfeeding wasn’t even an option for me. I cannot even begin to express how much it wounded me when some nosy do-gooder enquired why I was bottle feeding.
People need to mind their own business! I am blessed to be alive. I am blessed to have my daughter.
You know I will stand up for breastfeeding till the cows come home. I will advocate for more support and better information and I wholeheartedly believe it is the best option. But supporting and advocating breastfeeding does not require me, nor give me the right to question someone’s decisions about their own children. It is none of my business and it is not helpful.
Why can’t strangers who want to make conversation just say ‘you are so lucky to have such a beautiful baby’ and leave it at that.
This post struck a chord with me. I’ve gone the rounds with this one as well. I tried to breastfeed all three of my kids without success. My oldest didn’t stop losing weight until we started formula. Second baby had colic, which resolved soon after starting formula (at around 6 weeks). [Speaking of mommy guilt–do you mean to tell me she’s just been HUNGRY for the past 6 weeks?!]
Number 3, I had a plan and really thought I was going to do this thing. Same story, different chapter: baby not gaining any weight, although BF appeared to be going fine. I actually had a lactation consultant tell me, “Anyone can breastfeed. If you just tried a little harder…” (I was nursing my baby every 2-3 hours around the clock and pumping in between when I could. Not to mention taking care of my other 2 kids.) Um…ok. What does “trying harder” look like, because I sure didn’t have anything left to give. Cried all the way home from that appointment.
What I have learned is that breastfeeding is a very small part of motherhood. If it works out, great! If not, it’s going to be ok. Really.
Also, that my sanity and the well-being of the family counts for something, too. It’s healthier for me, my babies, and our family for me to supplement with formula and not be stressed out, emotional, or attached to a breast pump all the time.
Bottom line: is baby getting fed, loved, and cared for? Then you’re doing your job as a mother. No matter what anyone else says.
This is such an important post, Jodie, thank you. I remember sitting in a busy paediatrician’s office with my 3 month old as another Mum was feeding her very, very small baby from a bottle. The poor woman exclaimed loudly to her baby a number of times how strange it was for the baby to be drinking breast milk from a bottle. It really felt like she was saying so as a justification to all of the other parents sitting in that waiting room and I felt so sorry that she felt the need to do so. Every mother does the best that they can for their child at that moment in time with the resources they have available, nobody else knows her story and nobody has the right to judge her choices.
I wanted to say a huge heartfelt thank you to everyone who has shared their own experience and thoughts. Your stories and words moved me so much and although many of the circumstances made me so angry on your behalf I do believe the more we speak about this issue the more chance we have of rolling in changes!
I would love to reply to everyone personally but with my twins sick at the moment I just know I am not going to get a chance,
If you are reading this though I do want you to know that each and every one of your comments meant so very much to me and I really appreciate the time you took to write and share with us all. Thank you….perhaps we will reach the day of non judgement soon xxx
I am so sich of judgemental, competitive women. Soooo very over it.
I have twins so I am constantly under attack by women with one baby or two or three to prove they are such a better mother than me. Frankly kids I do not care if you want to parade yourself around as a better mother – go right ahead and make an idiot of yourself.
Here are the facts:
I had my sons by c section, they were whisked away from me to NICU to save their lives and I didn’t get to hold them for days – one 3 days later and the other five days and yet contrary to the “mummy attacking public” My children and I will not have bonded because we didn’t have immediate skin to skin & breastfeeding – News flash people – My sons and I are exceedingly close, well bonded, love each other. My children know how loved they are and I am incredibly aware of how much they love me. No one has the right to tell me that I am not a “real mother” because my sons didn’t come out of my vagina. That would have killed my twin B and possibly twin A as well and the world would have lost the opportunity to experience two amazing little men.
I couldn’t baby wear 2 babies – They rode in the pram because I have a back injury.They sat in bouncers and rockers and guess what???? My children know Mummy is right there for everything they need and they are safe, warm & secure in the environment I provide for them. They are not distressed so stop your judgement!
I managed to breastfeed for 7 weeks before my body gave out, not my will power, pain threshold or fatigue but my body said NO MORE and refused to produce any more milk. I fed my babies bottles from 7 weeks. We had skin to skin contact, lots of snuggles and were held and loved but they were not breastfed. Guess what??? They are big, beautiful healthy boys.
I did Baby led weaning – not because of any other reason but my twins swiped food off my plate & ate it, so why should I puree if they are already eating food – Guess what??? They eat a lot of food. More than a puree baby. They eat a massive variety of food and they are not afraid to try anything. Occasionally they eat prepackaged food – OOOOOOAAAAAHHHHHH. Yes my children occasionally eat prepackaged food full of preservatives, salt & sugar that the “Mummy bashing public” love to shake their heads at. Guess what??? It didn’t kill them or send them loopy.
It is called a balanced diet and “sometimes” foods make up that balance.
My kids are healthy, loved, happy & well adjusted. Apparently I did everything wrong so tell me “mummy judges” how the hell did my kids turn out so well?????
Enough of the judgement. Natural birth, breastfeeding, baby wearing, pureeing homecooked food Mummies are not the only “proper” mothers. We are all mothers, stop the judgement.
i read this post yesterday but I was in such utter shock that i didn’t leave a comment. I couldn’t believe that people would actually say such hurtful and judgemental things. I know people think them and we can’t do much about that, but to actually say out loud to someone “I hope thats breast milk in those bottles” !!!!
I’m so sorry for you and for your friend that you have had such unpleasant experiences. I have to say its one of the reasons I take issue with the term natural parenting. I don;t think the folks that use it have thought about what that implies of the mums who don;t do it the same way.
I’m featuring this post on the Sunday Parenting Party this weekend. Thanks so much for sharing.
Thanks so much for featuring Monko..I have certainly realised I am not alone which is lovely but also very sad! I too take issue with the term natural parenting but it seems to be another of those things that make me a bad parent for voicing that so I no longer say anything….bit the same as “Did you have your baby naturally?” xx
It must be more common to use formula where I live as I was the weird-o for bf-ing in public. I received the “Are you STILL nursing?” question more than a few times. I even made a rule after Bobo started talking that he had to wait until we got home. Why did I feel the need to do that? You are not alone in feeling lost when it comes to this parenting thing. Thank you for sharing this.
A FREAKING MEN! I’m sick of being judged for formula feeding (I didn’t have a choice). THANK YOU Enfamil for keeping my daughter alive, I’m forever grateful.
Oh it is amazing what complete strangers can feel comfortable saying! Good to try to remember that if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all sometimes!
Thank you for posting this! I had difficulties with this as well and remember my OBGYN telling me it was OK to stop breast feeding if it wasn’t working out and that I wasn’t a bad mother. I was literally in tears in her waiting room because I was unable to produce milk and knew I had friends, family and strangers judging me! I felt like a complete failure to my children and still carry some guilt. I agree with everything you said 100% People in general need to mind what they say to a stranger especially pregnant women (or women who you think might be pregnant but really aren’t).
Seriously – what the hell is wrong with people that makes them feel so superior? It’s appalling, really. It sure seems like babies raised by less-judgmental, more open minded mothers are much better off than rude, arrogant breast fed ones.
My children are now both in their 20’s, but the breast-feeding/bottle-feeding issue raged on even back then. I was unable to breast feed due to a health issue, but I was never comfortable with the idea. I remember how the nurses would constantly be in to ‘coach’ my hospital room mate on how to breast feed and would sit with her on the bed. I got handed a bottle and off they went! 🙂
For me, being an at-home mother was MUCH more important than how my babies were fed! It was a sacrifice income-wise, but I was there every step of the way!
the only time I ever get upset with or may ask about bottle feeding is when the person feeding the child props a bottle the child can not hold on his own. They are little for such a little time that I feel they should at least be held if not cuddled and cooed at while they eat. and as far as artificial feeding goes…well let’s just say not all adults eat the same things to get their nourishment and I’ve never seen one being breast fed. Feed your children what YOU feel is best and to heck with anyone else.
Or what about those of us who just didn’t want to? I guess I’m a terrible mother for admitting I never had any intention or desire to BF. I suffered from migraines and daily headaches for 15 years and then even more so for my entire pregnancy and the one thing I looked forward to was being able to take the meds prescribed by my neurologist as soon as humanly possible.
which meant I couldn’t take those meds while pregnant or breastfeeding . People will think you’re being “gross or indecent” if you do and people will judge if you don’t so there really is no pleasing everyone. Just do what’s best for you!
Not a terrible mother at all – it’s important to recognise and own what works for you and helps you to do the very best you can for your child in my opinion. There is definitely no pleasing everyone so I most certainly agree with you Sam!