On the surface this seems like a harmless question….but if you have asked a similar question of a new mother then I want you to know it's not harmless, it's not well meaning, it's not acceptable.
The reason I mention this now is that last week a friend of mine had a most unpleasant experience when out shopping with her 3 week old bubba. It was the first time she had been out since having him and she was congratulating herself on actually getting out the front door and not dissolving into tears due to the stress of this simple task .
Her little one had been having a lot of trouble breastfeeding and although she was still pumping milk at home she had also made the difficult decision to bottle feed as well. I know it was a difficult decision as I was the one who wiped away her tears and hugged her as she described feeling like a failure as a mother.
On this day she was feeling so excited to have achieved an outing….it wasn't exciting and she didn't really have a plan…she just wanted to feel like a ‘real' Mum out with her baby…a Mum that had managed to brush her hair, slip on some lipstick, get baby and all that accompanies such a little person in and out of the car and into the big wide world. She was proud, she felt good for the first time in weeks, she felt like a Mum that was tired but conquering the scary road of new motherhood….and then she heard those words that I had heard so many times before….