As i sit here writing this (and i apologise in advance as it will be an indulgent post but i need to get these thoughts out onto paper), i am wondering how to get my oldest home to us.
Unfortunately she is the child of a divorce and this comes with much baggage and heartache that i have tried to lessen over the years but i am not always successful.
Instead of her flying home from a school holiday visit to her Father back to our town as usual i was advised at the last minute that she would be flying into the Gold Coast as her father would be visiting relatives there….this is a 2 hour drive from us. I scrambled and reorganised things as fast as i could and found someone to mind the twins as they do not do well on car trips and waiting in crowded airports!
Unfortunately we have had extreme torrential rain and wind here the past few days and it was a nightmare of a drive to the airport to say the least. After waiting for an hour we were told that the plane had been diverted back to Sydney due to the bad weather so i wouldn't be able to pick her up. Thank goodness her father was with her or she would have been sitting in Sydney airport alone…one of my biggest fears with the travelling she has to do.
During this time i received a phone call from the twins carer saying one of the girls had been vomiting and was really upset. You know when your heart breaks in two as a Mum? This was one of those moments…..i was stuck in an airport unable to get to my sick baby and not able to help my big girl either…i felt so useless and overwhelmed.
I did what a mother does and pulled myself together, got back in the car, drove another 2 hours in torrential rain to pick up my sick twin and her sister and then try to contact my oldest daughter to find out how she was coping!
I found out she had a flight back to Gold Coast the next day but would be staying with her father's relatives for a few days…i arranged for her to catch a bus home to us as i couldn't drive with sick toddlers. Now the real issues start…..i won't go into our history here as it would take forever and isn't the forum…suffice to say her father has never really grown up, is selfish and unlike most Dad's, does not put his daughter first in his life. He does not contribute to her life financially or emotionally but has caused her to have to see a pychologist off and on for the last 10 years. I keep hoping it will end and he will become the father she deserves but it just doesn't seem to be ever going to happen and now i fear with this latest stunt that their relationship willbe harmed for good.
He is not allowing her to come home on the bus and i have been unable to contact him or her for the past few hours. I don't know how a father can play these games , i have never understood it but always had the fear that one day he would take it too far and i can't let myself think about what that may mean.
I don't know where she is….other than the Gold Coast….but as soon as i speak to her again i will find out and drive with sick babies to pick her up, because that is what a mother does…..we can't always protect them which can be painful but we always hold hope and we always do our best.
Please be safe baby…please answer your phone so we can get you home to us…you start as a senior at school on Monday remember! xxx
Thank you for allowing me to have a space to voice these feelings…we don't have family here and sometimes you just need to ‘speak' .