As i sit here writing this (and i apologise in advance as it will be an indulgent post but i need to get these thoughts out onto paper), i am wondering how to get my oldest home to us.
Unfortunately she is the child of a divorce and this comes with much baggage and heartache that i have tried to lessen over the years but i am not always successful.
Instead of her flying home from a school holiday visit to her Father back to our town as usual i was advised at the last minute that she would be flying into the Gold Coast as her father would be visiting relatives there….this is a 2 hour drive from us. I scrambled and reorganised things as fast as i could and found someone to mind the twins as they do not do well on car trips and waiting in crowded airports!
Unfortunately we have had extreme torrential rain and wind here the past few days and it was a nightmare of a drive to the airport to say the least. After waiting for an hour we were told that the plane had been diverted back to Sydney due to the bad weather so i wouldn't be able to pick her up. Thank goodness her father was with her or she would have been sitting in Sydney airport alone…one of my biggest fears with the travelling she has to do.
During this time i received a phone call from the twins carer saying one of the girls had been vomiting and was really upset. You know when your heart breaks in two as a Mum? This was one of those moments…..i was stuck in an airport unable to get to my sick baby and not able to help my big girl either…i felt so useless and overwhelmed.
I did what a mother does and pulled myself together, got back in the car, drove another 2 hours in torrential rain to pick up my sick twin and her sister and then try to contact my oldest daughter to find out how she was coping!
I found out she had a flight back to Gold Coast the next day but would be staying with her father's relatives for a few days…i arranged for her to catch a bus home to us as i couldn't drive with sick toddlers. Now the real issues start…..i won't go into our history here as it would take forever and isn't the forum…suffice to say her father has never really grown up, is selfish and unlike most Dad's, does not put his daughter first in his life. He does not contribute to her life financially or emotionally but has caused her to have to see a pychologist off and on for the last 10 years. I keep hoping it will end and he will become the father she deserves but it just doesn't seem to be ever going to happen and now i fear with this latest stunt that their relationship willbe harmed for good.
He is not allowing her to come home on the bus and i have been unable to contact him or her for the past few hours. I don't know how a father can play these games , i have never understood it but always had the fear that one day he would take it too far and i can't let myself think about what that may mean.
I don't know where she is….other than the Gold Coast….but as soon as i speak to her again i will find out and drive with sick babies to pick her up, because that is what a mother does…..we can't always protect them which can be painful but we always hold hope and we always do our best.
Please be safe baby…please answer your phone so we can get you home to us…you start as a senior at school on Monday remember! xxx
Thank you for allowing me to have a space to voice these feelings…we don't have family here and sometimes you just need to ‘speak' .
Ngo Family Farm says
Oh, sorry Jode 🙁 Being a mom is THE hardest job in the world during times like these! Wishing all good things for your family in the days to come.
A mother’s love is most definitely enough Jode and sometimes that is all we can do..love them. I am really sorry you are going through such a crappy time at the moment, I hope that things get easier and that your big girl is home in your arms soon.
C. Browne says
I hope writing it out gave you some peace. I can feel the heartbreak and frustration in your words. I really was touched by your post and hope that you can find and hold your daughter soon. I can’t imagine how debilitating that must feel. Sending you mama strength and encouragement, when faced with such strong adversity a mother’s love will prevail! Best wishes.
Fiona from Arbordale Farm says
I am not yet a mother so can not give you any words of advice relating to the situation. But as a child I can say that knowing my mum would do what ever it took to come and get me including the sacrifices you mentioned, this would tell me that my mum loved me very much and would put me first before her own needs. This would mean more to me as I got older than all the things she thought she should have done.
Oh no, I can totally imagine how heartsick you must feel. I hope by now you’ve gotten in touch with her and she is safe and happy and will be back home with you again soon. What an unbearable situation for all.
Thanks so much everyone for your words of comfort and understanding…they mean a lot and i am so lucky to be a part of this blogging community!
We finally welcomed miss teen back into the fold yesterday after a few more dramas and tears on my part and frustration that this scenario so often repeats in school holidays. I have learnt many lessons this time around and can only hope that not putting up with this treatment anymore will result in a better school holiday outcome next time.
Sometimes you just feel so helpless although you would do anything to support your children…just have to keep trying and loving i guess!!
Thank you all xxx
Kim Heaslip says
I am so glad to hear your daughter is home safe. I am going through a difficult time with my teenaged son right now and the words of encouragement written by your community members have been helpful to me too as a mom. As a daughter of divorce I can say that children know which parent is always there for them. My mom always managed not to say anything negative about our dad even though he was immature and manipulative at times; she figured we would figure it out on our own as we got older. That is exactly what happened; my dad showed himself for what he was and we knew we could always count on our mom. They are both gone now but my mom is the person I think of with the utmost love and respect.
I just read your comment so I know she is safe…I think all moms have gone through some sort of situation like this…and it is never easy…but somehow we get through it…
The Provincial Homemaker says
Oh dear, I am glad everything has sorted itself out by now as I read this a couple of days later. What a difficult time for you all.