We're back!!! After a few weeks of stepping back from the computer and just focusing on family (and a little sleep) i am feeling like i am in a much better place now. Looking over the back fence and talking to ‘our' wallaby is one of those places!!!
Tara is sleeping better again for which i am most thankful…. although we are still having the nights where she seems to need that reassurance we are still here 3-4 times a night….but the difference is that it isn't every night like it was so i am hopeful she is coming through this difficult stage! Elmo continues to travel everywhere with her!
Of course , as i have grown to expect…the toddler twosome seemed to have met again secretly in the quiet of night and decided to again pass the baton of behaviour and illness….just as one gets better and happier the other gets sick and clingy! Ruby is still trying to shake her cough and cold and has spent the last few days with a vomiting bug the poor darling (because really, snot all over mummy wasn't enough obviously)! I had hoped to be back blogging on Monday…but here we are Thursday already so that gives you an indication of my week so far!
But because i have caught up on a little sleep and enjoyed some downtime with a little reading and knitting (very, very basic knitting…i am in awe at all your projects lately) at night i have felt more able to cope with this latest challenge!
It really has become apparent during this last few weeks that as a Mother i have to give myself permission to be exhausted, for the house not to be a shrine to cleanliness always, for dinner to be leftovers some nights and to miss a day of washing here and there. I have a bit of a perfectionist personality and have always struggled to overcome this when i first became a parent…i had improved but sometimes it takes a few mini meltdowns to give myself a kick and realise i am doing it again.
I have to remind myself constantly that becoming a stay at home Mum is a new role for me…i have always worked full time…. first in the child care field and then in community services. I think i have been trying to combine a little too much of all those previous roles into my new role as SAHM!
I like to incorporate lots of fun activities for the girls because i enjoy using all those skills again and having the special opportunity to do them just for my girls in our lovely space here rather than in a class of 16 other toddlers …as it was when i worked in child care and had to take Miss teen with me is such a gift! However…i have now realised that i don't need to behave like i am still working in a centre…i don't have to have a new and wonderful activity for them each day….i don't have to continually provide learning opportunities as the girls are learning everyday through any play that we do and watching Mummy do her daily household tasks inside and outside of the house!
Working in community services i was managing projects on a daily basis and always crossing off my To Do lists before i went home for the day…i have been trying to manage the home like a project too I think and while aspects of that are worthwhile and helpful….sometimes it can lead to me feeling overwhelmed and not worthy of the ‘job' because i can't cross as many jobs off as i ‘need' to! I have to shift focus…running a home and providing for a family now that i am at home everyday is a different role and many tasks are just never completed…or they have to be done again next week or month. Rhonda from Down to earth (one of my favourite places to visit for inspiration and a sense of belonging) wrote recently about finding balance within the home and recognising one's worth in the work we do each day…even if at home. She talked about shifting the mindset a little and embracing the opportunities. In her book i read a line about ‘Housework never being completed' This really spoke to me as i was constantly crossing housework jobs off only to have to do them again in a few days or next week and getting a little depressed by that thought…so time for me to shift a little and see these tasks as an ongoing role and this has already taken some of the pressure off!
I guess what i am trying to share is that at the moment i am still in the process of a little self reflection and finding some family/home/me balance. I am trying to take a little of the pressure off…..i will still do lots of messy and fun acitivities with the toddler twosome that promote their learning and opportunities for play….but i won't let it become the focus of our week. I will provide targeted activities and take Ruby to early intervention services to support her developmental delays but i won't let it take over our time as a parent which i fear it was.
I will still be writing ‘To Do' lists because i love them, always have …but i need to make them a little more realistic and a little more organic. I am going to have just a little list for each day and then a bigger list for jobs that need to be done in ‘the next 6 months' rather than by next month!
I'm going to keep blogging because i love to write and i love becoming part of such a wonderfully caring and inspirational community that i am always learning from. I have discovered some lovely new blogs in the last few weeks as i allowed myself to explore and read for fun again, rather than as just part of my daily routine. These blogs have inspired me to focus a little more on the things i originally began writing about but that i thought others would find boring! I hope to still share little snippets of our lives with you as i continue to grow in the role of stay at home mum to twins and a teen (Can you believe in the next few weeks we celebrate a 16th Birthday and a 2 yr Birthday!!) Hopefully i can put a smile on your face or you will nod along side me as you share ‘one of those days' too!
And i'm going to finally end this apparent novel today by saying a huge heartfelt thankyou to everyone who left a lovely encouraging comment or emailed me to check how i was doing. You are all the reason i have wanted to get back to this comforting space of mine…i have enjoyed visiting your beautiful spaces over the past few weeks….and look forward to connecting with you again here in mine …xxxx