I've been doing a lot of thinking about parenting and being 40 this month. Probably because I am turning 41 in a few weeks and the twins have been really testing my parenting skills the last few months so those topics have been at the forefront of my mind!
When I had Miss Teen in my early 20's I could never have imagined that I would also be a Mum to 3 yr olds at 40. I've learnt quite a few life lessons along the way and a few harsh realities have also hit me on the behind (which is also a lot bigger nowadays I might add)
Before I turn the big 41 (which actually feels like only a few steps from 50 by the way) I thought I would share a few of the differences I have noted being a parent in my 40's to when I was a parent in my 20's.
These are the things I have noticed in my life…your experience is possibly a lot different but as I'm not privy to your personal details (which would obviously be a lot more exciting than mine I'm sure…) you'll have to settle for me talking about myself…yes, again!
Here's 10 things I have noticed being a parent at 40…
- For some reason the ground seems a lot further away when I am getting down to play now.
- My knees now make an alarming noise when I get up from playing on that same ground.
- Upon hearing the age gap of my kids people will gasp and say “Wow, that's a big gap, how are you coping with small ones again?” Every.Single.Time.
- Having 2 year olds in the back seat while you are trying to give your teen a driving lesson is a VERY stressful experience and obviously not one to be repeated!
- I have had to get a lot better at switching between parenting experiences and still sounding like I care…one minute there is a scraped knee, the other a broken romance. Best to not mix up the empathy levels there…I speak from experience and apparently a Dora bandaid will not also fix a sad teenage heart.
- I look at younger parents stressing about what their children are touching or eating and smile serenely…been there and have a 17 year old still alive so know it doesn't matter that much really ๐
- Feel like I SHOULD care about my appearance more but actually too tired.
- Also, am very, very tired.
- Also feel wiser…probably not…but I FEEL it and that is what counts surely.
- I now understand that if there is a choice between quiet child free time and an early night I will choose quiet time and a late night as I know it is the only time I will get to actually hear my own thoughts and go to the toilet by myself in the next 24 hours.
- I thought I would have a better social life at 40. I thought I might have more energy and that 9pm wouldn't be a late night. Go figure.
- Am tired ALL.THE.TIME
- Am a little peeved at the grey hairs that keep appearing since the twins were born….obviously their doing.
- Have a lot more patience…no sorry…meant to say less patience….I know older parents always say they have more but I seem to have missed that little skill unfortunately.
- Am more confident in my parenting abilities most days and know that doing my best is OK.
- Am less confident in my parenting skills because I am old, have grey hair, less patience and creak when I move.
- Find it near impossible to enjoy any sort of intimacy with the love of my love because I am either exhausted after getting the twins to sleep or waiting in vain for the teen to actually go to sleep.
- I now understand that ‘time to myself' is not going to happen until all kids have passed the age of 18….not 10 as previously expected. Go figure.
- I can actually get away with not shaving for a month if I dress wisely. This saves valuable shower time which is now a highly coveted activity.
- I am proud of myself for being a Mum to a teen and twin 3 yr olds at nearly 41 and still having my sanity intact. I am managing, they are all thriving, there is much love in my life. Did I mention I was tired though?
Love this, Jode! So true. I’m in my 40’s and my littlest is 4. The tired thing, yes, I hear you. I’m so tired. I think I am more focused on giving my kids lots of wonderful play and learning experiences than I would’ve been in my 20’s.
So glad you are tired too hehe…you are right about the play experiences though, great point and what a fab thing you are doing x
That is hilarious! I’m 39 have a four year old, a two year old & my dream of doing a triathlon in France next year for my 40th with my spunky husband has been broken by the impending birth of no 3! Happy 40th to me ๐ I get the tired thing. I really really do. Good night…
Oh Neets, what a let down that must have been for you….yes, wonderful news about a bubba you will of course love to death but having your dream swept away again…I feel your pain, hang in there, it will happen, glad I could make you smile xx
I think the biggest shock of parenting at a {ahem} mature age has been how tired I am! I have also discovered I don’t cope so well with noise, mess and roaring about the place! But the best bit: I have done the career now I am just lovin’ been at home raising three little people with a full heart.
Oh yes, the noise…does everything seem louder suddenly? I love your positive though Amie…I couldn’t have done that in my 20’s and missed a lot of special time I think x
You two are just gorgeous. I have no idea how it will feel when I am a bit older, but I feel really, really tired now. Do you think it would matter having kids later, or is it just any age with young kids???? You may make want to have my kids now if it’s any “easier.” LOL
I’m sure your kids benefit from your life wisdom, though ๐
OOhhh…I can relate. Say hello to 5 1/2 year old twin boys and almost 3 yr old little brother. And I am 42. And I am tired. More tired than I ever thought possible. I am also regularly assumed to be the grandmother (or sitter.) Everything you say is true. I do feel I have more patience and that we never in a million years would have survived twins in our 20s. But when I am out of patience, well, I am seriously out and you had better send ME to time out.
LOL Shannon…don’t you wish we could find our own special time out place that they couldn’t find!! I think the patience thing is because we have stored up a whole lot of years of having to be patient! Please tell me 5 yr old twins aren’t as much work!
What a great article… you brought a real smile to my face ๐ as an almost 38 year old mum of a three year old and an 18 month old I know what you mean about being tired ALLLLLL the time….and i’m glad to hear im not the only person staying up into the early hours just to have some me time… seriously i know I should just cave in and go to bed at 10…but seriously….
So glad I could make you smile Bonne! I sO know what you mean about going to bed earlier, I know I should as it isn’t helping the tired thing but it is just so nice to be by yourself for a bit isn’t it? x
Oh I love this.. my oldest is 13… my next is 4 and youngest 3… I don’t have more patience either…and the floor is further.. love this list!!
What a lovely comment, you made my day angelajkito! That floor really is further I’m sure…at least we aren’t alone!
You are one inspiring woman!
I turned 40 at the start of this year and often feel I am soooooooooooooo old to have a three year old. LOL But I am not sure that I am actually that different to when I had my twins at age 30… there is just more kids now and a whole lot more running around, which makes me feel old just thinking about it!
Thanks Kate! The running around does feel a little overwhelming doesn’t it!! I often get that feeling of being too old to have a 3 yr old too….but I think times are changing thank goodness hehe
haha, great list Jode. I can just imagine that driving lesson!! haha. Hats off to you because at the moment just one little toddler tornado is terrorising my house and sanity and I am absolutely exhausted, haha. xo
Oh, they are exhausting aren’t they Deb? Mine seem to unfortunately work in tandem to make life difficult! And yes, the driving lesson with all involved hasn’t been repeated again hehe
You certainly have my respect!
Aww, thanks Rachel!
hahaha! I can’t imagine coming back to do it all again a decade later. You’re amazing!
Let’s not say ‘decade’ to loudly Danya, hehe
Jode, I’m 31 and I feel tired having twins! I think it’s a given lol. I loved reading your list. I was giggling through it. ๐
So glad I made you giggle Penny, I know you could relate to many of them even without being 40 lol! Am sure twins will get easier though ๐
This is why I think you are absolutely fabulous!! So many on that list made me cringe… driving lessons with toddlers present! Argh!
Such an awesome post Jodie! You’re an awesome mama – – – but for number 4 especially, you deserve a medal of honour, woman. I would have died!!
Great post! My age is probably right in the middle. I had my sets at 30 and then 33 which is nice in a way because I can kind of fit in well with other moms of all ages. You are a champ for dealing with those 3 year olds at age 41 AND a teen at the same time. When my first girls were born, I felt SO exhausted. In my twin club there was another mom who had a 5-yr-old and then had just had twins and she was 40. I remember thinking that I could not fathom having 10 more years on me and doing what I was doing! I don’t think you’ll be so tired forever. My younger girls are now 5 and it is so much better than even just a couple years ago! Hang in there. Each day is sometimes a challenge. You’re doing such great things – what a great mom you are!
This really made me laugh. You don’t act your age at all Jodie with all the things you get up to. I totally understand number 7 and not caring about ones appearance. I used to care before kids. LOL
Oh Jodie. I’m feeling tired just reading your post.
What I want to do is come over and babysit your girls for you so you can have the night off with your partner.
I’ll tell you what though, you’ve definitely put me off having a third child. ha ha!
OMG, I could have written this myself! I have a 17 year old (born when i was 21) and a 2 year old (born when I was 37)! Thanks for this… it’s reassuring to know I’m not alone espcially on points – oh wait – ALL 20 of them!
I am 52 with a 23 year old and 7 year old. TIRED sums it up. I just can’t do everything with the second child that I did with my first. Not that I don’t want to, I just can’t work full time, keep up with the household, lessons, and school activities and still do a lot of extra. Did the driving lessons with an infant in the car, scared me to death! I had to have Dad take over. Great points. Glad to know others are feeling some of the same things that make me feel guilty.
Had my youngest at 42 when the older ones were in their late teens. Between the infant, teens, pets and work, didn’t have time to think about how tired I was …. Just kept on going.
There were many funny moments when people referred to me as grandma and the apologized profusely on realizing I was mom. One time I had the privilege of responding that both children present, an 18 year old and toddler, were my children.
The best part was learning how many other older parents were out there. In my, and my husband’s, parent’s day it was common to have children when you were older – we were both from larger families.
When I was told that having children later in life meant for an easier time through menopause I was pleased. And sure enough, sailed through that phase without any of the complaints I’d heard from other women.
Having a child when I was older also gave my teens the opportunity to experience parenting, however briefly, when babysitting. After a day with his younger sibling, while I attended a conference, my older son wondered how I did it. He was exhausted.
Thanks for sharing your story Johanna, I have had a few similar moments! I think it has been a real eye opener for my teen that’s for sure. I hadn’t heard that about menopause, quite excited by that snippet of news thanks ;)I think that is the key isn’t it…we just keep going! x
I am 43 this year with a 20 yr old (almost21) , a 15 yr old ( almost 16) and a 28 month old. I too am tired, very very tired. I have days where I want to give up and run away. I just don’t have the energy, strength, or mental capacity to do this again! I find myself assuredly knowing I am rocking this parenting thing out, 10 minutes later I’m second guessing everything I do while sobbing. But, this I know. No matter what he is happy, healthy, adored, and loved (deeply)! He knows this too! If he goes to bed laughing and giggling and giving lots of kisses, then I know I’m doing alright!
I agree with all that you said. I had my first in my 20’s and am now 41. My youngest not as young as yours but I have a VERY active 8yr old boy.. The ground does look further away now! And the comments “mommy can you do a cartwheel brother said you used to do them when he was younger” really makes it feel like the ground has gotten really really far away.
Haha, right there with you Michelle! i guess at least we can still SEE the ground hehe
This article was fantastic. I thought I was the only crazy-with a 21 year old daughter and 18 month old son, at 43 years old. I would add to your list a couple of personal insights: I’m really, really tired. ALL THE TIME! (Not sure if you mentioned that!) Also, work, career, the small stuff, suddenly seems small. When I was raising my daughter, work was SO IMPORTANT. Now, I’ll take a sick day, leave a couple minutes early, instead of doing just one more task. My son isn’t more loved than my daughter. I just FINALLY have my priorities straight.
I loved the point number 6 about the young, dirt-frightened parents. We already did this. We can totally do it again! Thanks for sharing!
Haha! Thanks Shelley, you made me laugh as you certainly get what I am saying!I think I did mention being tired ๐ I also love what you said about getting priorities straight, I think with the gift of time we are able to do this a lot better (with less guilt) now!