As I sat down at the start of this Easter long weekend munching on a lovely bit of chocolate given to me by the day care children I became uncomfortably aware of my big butt squeezing into the chair and the ever present tightness of my waistband.
Hello…My name is Jodie and I am overweight….well that's being polite isn't it? I'm fat.
Ever since having the twins I have let lack of time and emotional eating become my excuses….i can't use pregnancy as an excuse because I pretty much threw up for the whole 9 months, pregnancy does not agree with me unfortunately.
I've wasted a lot of money on weight loss schemes over the years which is a testament to my laziness with the whole dieting thing as I know what I need to do, I think I just want some miracle product or group to do it for me. At least I'm honest about it…although I could have a whole lot more money in the bank if I hadn't wasted it on the holy dieting grail over the years (Do you like how I say ‘more money' like I actually already have some in the bank account?)
Working as a family day care educator is a pretty physical job, you are on your feet all day lifting, carrying, dancing, getting down to the floor and back up again (why does that now seem harder after 40?)moving indoor and outdoor furniture around, mowing and gardening…anyway you get the point and let me tell you it's a whole lot more punishing on the body at the end of the day when you are also carrying around a lot of extra weight. And I do mean a lot…at least an extra 50kgs on this short little frame. Yes, I know, that's why you rarely see photos of me . Not a great role model for my 3 girls am I?
So, as I sit here with chocolate in one hand and a glass of red in the other (Yeah, sounds great doesn't it….hmmm…where was I?) I've decided that Easter is the time I need to get serious. Yes, when I am surrounded by people eating chocolate and hot cross buns smothered in butter and family BBQ's and desserts I decide to make a change. That's the sort of silly thing I do when I make up my mind.
Did you notice I didn't say diet? I hate that word, it sets me up to fail immediately in my opinion because I suddenly feel deprived. I need to forget about all the dieting rules and plans and restrictions. I just need to start eating smaller portions, less alcohol (yes I know no alcohol would be better but ain't going to happen while I have twin 3 yr olds…just saying…) and move a little more. Simple right?
No, it's not, for some people yes, for me it's a struggle and I think it is more to do with my mind than my physical self. Working at home is also turning me into a bit of a hermit which makes it easier to listen to the excuses in my head and hide away. Which is why I am going to ask you…my lovely group of virtual friends and followers to help me on this journey I am about to undertake.
Perhaps you are struggling with your weight and could do with some support too. Let's work together. Even if you don't have weight to lose I'd really love if you could visit my facebook page once a week where I will be posting my progress with a weigh in. I need to be accountable and since I can't get out of the house for group support meetings I'm hoping to find some support with the regular readers of this blog and facebook page. If you want to join in with me each week I am making Wednesdays ‘Weight Loss Day' on the page. You can post your highs and lows, gains or losses (we don't need to share actual weights, just the gains or losses…let's not get tooooo personal hehe)or just call out for some support or encouragement.
Each Wednesday on the blog I will share some blogs, recipes and facebook pages that have inspired me during the week and let you know how my week has gone. Which will of course be riveting reading I'm sure!
So this Easter I'm asking for your help. I need to lose this weight. I need to be held accountable to a weigh in each week. I'm pretty much housebound with long hours and children and I fear I might not be around to see my girls grow up if I continue on this current path.
I'm ashamed of my current self and want to find the girl I know is still inside this fat suit. She deserves to come out and have some fun again. She deserves to be proud of herself and not disappear from every family photo. Perhaps you feel this way too?
Here's 5 more reasons why I want to lose this weight….
1. I want to walk into a clothing shop and actually choose something I want to be seen in rather than just looking at the tag to see if it will fit first. I also want that perky little shop assistant to not look at me “like that” as I slink back out the door
2. I want to be short. Not short and fat which is obviously worse. Actually I want to be tall but one dream at a time people.
3. I want to wear shorts in Summer without carting around a container of Curash…you know where i'm going with this don't you?
4. I want to look in the mirror and recognise the person looking back at me. Not the bloated wrinkly old lady I see in there now. Although she does have her good points….like a nice set of boobs which I would be sad to see disappear if I am to be honest. As would His Patient Self probably.
5. Most of all I want to proudly appear in photos with my family or even shock, gasp…on my own. I fear my girls will look back at photos of their childhood (or whatever the techies invent to see pics by the time they are teens) and wonder if they had a Mum because she wasn't in any photos with them. I realise if they are teens they probably won't care because they are teens but they might! Heck, by that time I just realised I am going to be really old so I will probably wonder where I am too!
I don't want to be skinny, I just want to be comfortable in my own skin again, wear clothes I like, feel healthy and not have everything ache all the time.
I want my family to be proud of me but more than that I want to be proud of myself. I want to move forward. How about you?
Can we do this together? I know i'm not alone in feeling this way which is why I am sharing this journey.
I hope I can do it……feel free to kick my butt into gear any time you notice me slacking off…I promise to love you for it!
See you Wednesday! I'm off to give the choccies away…just as soon as this turkish delight one is finished…seems a shame to let it go to waste and it's so little anyway….Oh ok, I hear you, I hear you…it's gone! Now you do one!
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I can totally relate! I also work as a family child care provider in the States and spend 10+ hours a day caring for young children. It is seriously hard on your body!! As child care providers we are used to putting everyone’s needs before our own . I am proud of you for deciding to make your health a priority. I am with you all the way!!!! 🙂
Jodie Clarke says
You are right about putting everyone’s needs before our own Mimi…thanks so much for your support xx
that´s exactley how I feel!!! And looking at your photo, I realize I have the same issue too … my body looks like yours. And like you wrote: my 5- year old son will look at family pictures not seeing his mom. So I want to start too. Let´s get started!
Sending greetings from Germany,
Jodie Clarke says
So glad you will be joining in with me Eva! Seems I’m not alone…we can do this xx
I would like to suggest following someone on facebook that posts sensible statuses about weight loss. She is all about moderation not starvation. As we are in a world that is obsessed with thinness, it is nice to read her posts and to stay balanced. Here is the link:
Jodie Clarke says
Thanks for the link, have really enjoyed visiting that page and such sensible posts and articles, very inspiring!
Yes, I used to be someone that felt like I had to do everything hard core and as a result never could make exercise a life long habit. I could do it for a year or two, but then I would feel tired. Now that I have made it a life habit I exercise moderately three times a week 20 minutes a day and try to walk often as well. I don’t beat myself up if I miss a day because I am doing this for life. Instead I get excited when I realize I am stronger and can do things I was not able to do in the beginning of my journey.
I totally love chocolate and can’t get by without it and I need to lose 10kgs and struggle with it all as I’m an emotional eater…happy, sad, bored, etc. I do however get in photos with my kids (for them) even if I think my arms are too fat (among other things I can hide). It’s on on-going battle but being 6-10 kgs lighter is better…it’s just trying to keep it off when I lose it is the problem. I however have totally indulged in chocolate and as of Tuesday morning will be back into the healthy eating. Good luck with it all. Regards Kathy A, Brisbane, Australia
Jodie Clarke says
Yep, emotional eating is just the pits isn’t it Kathy? Good for you getting in the photos, I really need to conquer my silly fear over them, not like the kids don’t know what I look like already 😉 A little indulgence is not a crime, good luck getting back onto the wagon this week…right there with you xx
Deborah Alter-Rasche says
Brave post Jode. I’ve been where you are and it’s taken me a long time to come around to be happy with who I am (and some weight loss was definitely part of that). I think that’s the best gift you can give your girls. Not a thin mum but a happy, healthy, confident mum. A mum who loves herself and her appearance. Sounds like a big ask when you can go for years loathing your own body but I think a lot of my self esteem issues came about because of my mum’s self esteem issues (even though she was the most beautiful woman in the world to me, she didn’t see it), and this was something I did not want to pass on to my daughter. I want her to know that she can be beautiful at any size without having to conform to any particular look, but at the same time, I want her to be healthy. I want my kids to remember a mum that ran with them and was just as keen to jump on the slide or hang upside down on the monkey bars. I still have a good 10 kilos to lose to get that real spring back in my step and to lose that sluggish feeling that comes with carrying extra weight around your body, but thankfully my mind is in a different place. I don’t hate my body or appearance anymore and I walk with, (well, try to) confidence and a smile. You’re a beautiful woman, Jode. Inside and out. I hope that this journey helps you overcome that mental struggle and obviously helps you to feel more physically able to keep up with the demands of your life and running after your little ones and all the others you take care of. I’ll be following along with you and trying to budge this extra 10k or so. 🙂 xo
Jodie Clarke says
Thanks for your wonderful words and taking the time to write them Deb. I have no desire to be thin anymore, but healthy and confident again yes! I’m really aware of not wanting to pass my dieting and self esteem issues onto my girls so that is my big driver at the moment. You always look so confident and happy in photos and they always make me smile so you are certainly in a wonderful place now Deb, shines through in your eyes and smile. Thanks again for your wonderful words, you gave me a real lift and I’m so glad you will be following along with me xx
Deborah Alter-Rasche says
Well, thank you, 😀 and, you’re welcome xo